This is the first in a three-part series on SUPPORT.
If you are looking for Part 2, you can find it here.
If you looking for Part 3, you can find it here.
Let’s face it. Asking for help is not the easiest thing in the world to do. If it were, we would do it all the time. But it’s not. And we don’t. But, consider this– maybe it’s hard so we WON’T ask for support… Did you ever think of that? Maybe we don’t ask because it’s just not a good idea??!! And by not asking for help when we need it, we are protecting ourselves from the following 10 Horrible Experiences.
10 Reasons Why You Should Never, Ever Ask for Help
1. If you ask for support, people might start to suspect that you aren’t perfect. This is horrible because what kind of person are you if you aren’t perfect?? I mean, isn’t being perfect the point of it all???
2. If you ask for support, it’s very possible that you will have to explain why you need help. If you have to explain why you need help, they might relate to what you are experiencing and then neither of you will feel so alone. This is horrible because all we all really want is to feel lonely and isolated… Right?
3. If you ask for support, you will probably feel vulnerable. This is very uncomfortable and may allow people to see that you have feelings beyond good, fine, or ok. And how many times have you answered the question, “How are you doing?” with good, fine, or ok when you definitely were not feeling good, fine, or ok? You answered like this to avoid being seen as (or feeling) vulnerable. This is horrible because if you ask for help, you will just undo all your hard work.
4. If you ask for support, someone might actually support you and you will beat yourself up because you realize that you really aren’t Superwoman and that you really do need help. This is horrible because that Inner Critic gets really loud around this kind of shit and she can be hard to shut up.
5. If you ask for support, you give people the opportunity to care about you. Like, actually show that they want the best for you and are there for you. This is horrible because you might have to consider the fact that you are way too hard on yourself and that people don’t judge you the way you judge you. And then you have to make a choice. Who will you believe? Inner Critic or Loving Friend? And while it seems like a no-brainer question, it usually isn’t.
6. If you ask for support, you might have to admit, not only that you aren’t perfect, but that you may have actually fucked up. And then what will people think? This is horrible because they have already realized you aren’t perfect, but now they will know you are capable of really screwing up. This leads back to number two. They might relate to feeling like a disaster and you lose your chance to feel isolated and lonely. No Bueno.
7. If you ask for support, you might get some tough love in response. Maybe you are overreacting. Maybe you are making a first world problem the equivalent of starving kids all over the world. Maybe the support you need is for someone to tell you that things really are ok and that you just need to relax and chill. This is horrible because then you lose your chance to hold your pity party and you may have to make another choice. Personal pity party or pull it together and put your big girl panties on (not your mom ones, the ones that make you feel sassy).
8. If you ask for support, you might realize that the person that ISN’T there for you is YOU. This is horrible because… well, it just is.
9. If you ask for support, you might realize how fabulous it feels to get love and support from people. This is horrible because what if the next time you feel like you need support and you get vulnerable again like in number three and don’t ask for help? Then you get to feel awful all by yourself even though you know someone could be there with you. You know, supporting you.
10. If you ask for support, you might give someone else the opportunity to feel good about themselves for being able to be there for you. This is horrible because you don’t want people you love and care about to actually feel useful and helpful and thus boost their own sense of personal confidence. I mean, you don’t want to give anyone a chance to feel good about their contributions in this world… Right…?
There you have it. Ten reasons why asking for support and admitting you need help is a horrible, horrible idea.
(Is this a mic drop moment…?)
Don’t miss Support (Part 2) coming out next week.
A little sneak peak…? It’s not about how we SHOULDN’T ask for help. It’s about WHY we DON’T that is the big problem.
Plus, I kinda lied when I said you shouldn’t ever ask for support. Seriously. That’s the most ridiculous thing ever… Isn’t is…?